Pitfalls in communication (Part I)
When studying business administration, you learn a lot about ‘leadership’ and ‘communication’. However, the two are not necessarily seen in the context of each other. On the contrary: leadership and communication are taught and treated as different areas. – Leadership is seen as a synonym for goal- and result-orientated motivation of employees, while communication stands for the general exchange of information between people.
This is where things start to get critical, because communication is a far more complex matter than ‘just talking and listening’.
As Watzlawick says: ‘There is no such thing as non-communication’. Communication often happens unconsciously, but it is usually not unintentional. Anyone who communicates has a goal – they want to achieve something. This even applies to harmless small talk – often used as an introduction to a conversation or to fill in gaps during awkward pauses in conversation at parties – and so on.
So if you want to lead purposefully, you have to communicate consciously and purposefully. In other words, you need to know how you come across, be able to read the behaviour of your counterpart and adapt your communication style accordingly – in order to achieve your goal.
What is meant by ‘conscious communication’?
Communication is primarily a two-way process – one side conveys something and the other understands what has been said – in the best case exactly as the speaker meant it.
In this sequence of ‘meaning’ and ‘understanding’ alone, almost infinite variations of misunderstanding are possible.
How can I avoid mis-understanding?
The best way – as is so often the case – is to start with myself.
This is primarily achieved by examining one’s own attitude and the ability to consciously perceive the other person.
If it were then possible to grasp the dialogue situation ‘correctly’ and at the same time be able to act ‘correctly’. If you then knew exactly what was ‘right’ and what the corresponding ‘right’ behaviour should be, then everything would work without any problems or misunderstandings.
The fact that the whole thing is not quite so easy to implement can be seen in practice every day.
However, there are various ways of approaching the topic and finding ways to communicate more clearly. One variant of this is called ‘Practical Emotional Competence’ (PEC).
In PEC, behavioural facets are associated with the emotional state. The division of moods into different colours is intended to help distinguish between the four different main emotions:
Red (action) stands for pragmatic, acting. Unconsciously, this is based on the principle ‘I know what I want and what I have to do to achieve it’. The basic motif here is on the one hand in the context of dominance, power, status, honour and autonomy, and on the other hand it is about the fear of losing control (powerlessness).
Yellow (self-expression) stands for optimistic, carefree. Unconsciously, this is based on the principle ‘I need positive interaction and recognition’. On the one hand, the basic motif here is in the context of stimulation, success, recognition, novelty and creativity; on the other hand, it is about the fear of embarrassing oneself and appearing incapable.
Green (feeling) stands for gentle, empathetic. Unconsciously, this is based on the principle ‘I seek harmony and security in my environment’. The basic motif here is on the one hand in the context of balance, belonging, preservation, continuity, security, and on the other hand it is about the fear of being alone, of being rejected (worthlessness).
Blue (thinking) stands for thinking, questioning. Unconsciously, this is based on the principle ‘I want to clarify and understand everything’. The basic motif here is on the one hand in the context of clarity, information, verifiability, measurability, and on the other hand it is about the fear of surprises, unknowingness and the fear of being rejected.
This categorisation is of course very rough and no one is exclusively in just one of these emotional states – even if you tend towards a certain basic emotion, this changes according to the subjective assessment of a situation.
Which approach helps me to understand which basic emotion my counterpart is in and which form of address do I choose to communicate my concern in the best possible way so that my message gets across?
Example: The question ‘How far along are you with the report?’ could be answered as follows:
Red: ‘When do you need it by at the latest?’ – Whereby the employee probably thinks: ‘That’s none of your business!’
Yellow: ‘Oh, there’s a lot going on here at the moment. I don’t know what to do first. But I’ll start right away tomorrow!’ – The employee doesn’t signal any particular ambition.
Green: ‘Ahem…. I haven’t got round to it yet. I had to finish the presentation first and call XY back…. Then I’ll just stay longer today…’ – Employee justifies himself and hopes for sympathy.
Blue: ‘The collection of topics is ready. I’m still waiting for a report from Controlling, then I can summarise everything. You’ll have the first draft by Wednesday morning at the latest.’ – Employee understands the question as a status enquiry and provides detailed information.
The answer you give depends on the colour (basic emotion) you are currently in – as does your reaction to it.
If you are aware of your own basic emotion and understand how to read the other person’s signs, i.e. the ‘colour’, it is easier to formulate the question in such a way that it is received ‘correctly’ by the other person and, conversely, provides the ‘right’ answer.
We’ll continue with this next time:
How do I ask the ‘right’ questions?
What difference does asking the ‘right’ questions make in day-to-day collaboration and how does this affect ‘communication and leadership’?
