What difference does ‘asking the right questions’ make in day-to-day collaboration - and how does this affect ‘communication and leadership’? (Part II)
There is no generally applicable ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way to ask a successful question.
The expectations and reactions differ depending on which basic emotion both dialogue partners are in.
While someone in the ‘red’ basic emotion reacts more quickly and intensively to subjectively perceived provocations, someone in the ‘yellow’ basic emotion will not perceive them as such.
If you are talking to someone who is in ‘red’, it is advisable to concentrate on asking questions directly and concisely; avoid leading questions and ask open questions, as otherwise you may only get a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ in response.
If, on the other hand, you have someone in the ‘yellow’ basic emotion in front of you, it is favourable to ask closed questions and lead the conversation with specific intermediate questions in order to direct the need to communicate from ‘yellow’ in order to obtain the desired information.
It is important to convey a sense of security to people with a ‘green’ basic emotion. The best way to do this is by being patient with them and formulating questions in a friendly manner. Signalling understanding also creates trust and security.
An employee with a ‘blue’ basic emotion demands precise and detailed questions. If you ask too general a question, you will be met with more specific questions instead of an answer. As the questioner, it is important to signal respect for the other person’s expertise and to position yourself with your own competence.
Basic emotions can change from one moment to the next.
What does that mean?
It means that you are not exclusively and always in one basic emotion, but that emotions and therefore reactions change accordingly.
This is important to know, as it gives you the opportunity to bring yourself to the meta-level by asking appropriate questions, thereby gaining distance from the situation and being able to approach the issue accordingly. The same applies when it comes to getting an employee or colleague into a more favourable emotional state in order to discuss or resolve the issue at hand. This is achieved through emotionally effective language or questions.
Example situation:
A concept for the next board meeting is to be prepared together with an employee under time pressure and you are urgently dependent on their support.
If your own red, pragmatic and action-orientated side now meets an employee with a green, gentle and harmony-oriented basic emotion, a conscious effort is recommended to get to ‘eye level’. – Otherwise, the limbic reflexes of both autopilots will intensify.
In this case, this means that red’s self-confidence turns into impatience and aggression and, on the other hand, gentleness and green caution turn into genuine anxiety, insecurity and rigidity. – Especially when red is above green in the hierarchy.
Which level is favourable in this case and how do you reach it?
In red, yellow and green, you are – to varying degrees – at the emotional level. Only in blue are we on the much-vaunted factual level and only in blue do we communicate seriously on the factual level. Communication in the other three colours only appears to be factual. Failure due to emotional resistance is pre-programmed here.
It is therefore helpful to bring yourself and your counterpart to the factual level (blue) and thus to the same professional level.
- Planning the conversation,
- clear agenda and
- appropriate time frame
are essential for a successful meeting – especially if you yourself are under time pressure and the employee tends to be uncertain.
A pleasant discussion atmosphere is important for constructive work.
Ask about the employee’s level of knowledge regarding the topic to be discussed.
Ask closed questions.
Explain what the aim of the meeting is and what exactly is expected of the employee.
Encourage them in their abilities.
In this way, you create an overview for yourself and give the employee the opportunity to become confident so that they can focus on the technical and factual issues.
If this is successful, both parties will experience the meeting as successful and constructive and will be correspondingly motivated to work through the points discussed.
Despite any differences in hierarchy, both were able to work together to develop a concept without emotions on an emotional level getting in the way.
A meeting like this is a priceless motivational factor!
Here too, no master has fallen from the sky. However, if you would like to find out more, I would be delighted to hear from you! 🙂
