I’ve been hearing the phrase ‘I’ve failed’ more and more often recently.
To be honest, I’m not entirely sure whether this is just another buzzword like ‘mindfulness’ or ‘VUCA world’, but at the same time I ask myself: ‘Failed – why? Because you’re alive and not perfect?’
Or is the ‘new failure’ a kind of self-liberation from the ‘old cover-up of mistakes’? In the end, it always remains the same. Evaluation – just different.
And since Christmas is the time for reflection and New Year’s Eve is the time for new resolutions, I thought this post was quite timely.
If we no longer see life as a whole, or experience as a collection of experiences, then our vision narrows in a rather unhealthy way. We do something and assume that it must work. If it doesn’t, we have failed in this logic. There is the type of person who does everything they can to recoup the losses they have incurred as quickly as possible, or the other who gives up and refuses any further opportunities for fear of failing again.
Either way, both remain in the judgement.
If we take a very narrow view of life, this automatically results in a judgemental attitude. Judgement in GOOD or BAD, or WIN or LOSE.
I don’t mean talking everything up, just as it’s not about making everything bad. Rather, it helps to widen your focus again and look at life as a whole. An open mind doesn’t just see the mistakes and losses. An open mind also sees opportunities and thus new paths.
Above all, however, this results in an open view of oneself. The opportunity to recognise yourself and thus expose old patterns of behaviour, hidden entanglements in neediness as well as dishonesty or manipulative motives that you were not even aware of until then.
Of course, this intensive self-reflection is not necessarily pleasant. On the contrary. After all, this process brings all the dark sides of ourselves to light. If we manage not to fall into the judgement trap here too, but to accept what we see, we will have learnt a lot and can move on in a wiser and more mature way, but there is one thing we will certainly not have done: failed.
If you would like to read more about this, or are perhaps still looking for a meaningful Christmas present, here is an extract on the subject from my book: ‘The journey to your inner freedom.’
Your life – good or bad?
In the process of letting go
you will lose a lot of things from the past
but you will find yourself.
– Deepak Chopra –
Those who trust themselves are more likely to take responsibility for their actions.
In the previous chapters, we have looked at what it means to create a life full of self-connectedness. A life without attachment and conformity.
We now also know that this is not easy or cheap.
Everything has its price.
Take a look at yourself, or if you have started writing in your diary in the meantime, take a look at your notes.
How would you describe yourself? As a victim of circumstances or other people, or as a co-responsible person?
Apart from the fact that the way we see ourselves is decisive for the inner freedom we feel, it is absolutely crucial for our inner satisfaction.
Because it makes a difference whether we see our life as an interlocking field of energy and experience that has ourselves at its centre, or whether we see it more as an interdependent field.
Oor whether we see it more as a chain of circumstances, mistakes and missed opportunities that have ‘happened’ to us.
The statement ‘something happened to me’ implies a passive attitude. So it’s not my fault.
Let’s look at the example of Petra in this context.
Petra was an open-minded young woman. In her mid-40s, a single mother of a 13-year-old son. She came to my practice because she was unhappy in her job and couldn’t get out of a relationship in which she had been cheated on and lied to by her partner.
The initial consultation revealed that neither the professional situation nor the nature of the relationship was new to her. She was familiar with both from various previous experiences in her life. She was the unlucky one. She simply had no luck. Neither in her choice of job nor with men.
A fixed negative attribution made her jump at the flow of opportunities every time something came along that was suitable for confirming this negative attribution again and again. The experiences repeated themselves. The vicious circle was perfect. Her thoughts about herself and the real experiences confirmed each other.
However, she was not yet aware of the dynamics of this system.
In the system clarification sessions that followed, she learned to see herself as part of her system (life/world/cosmos) and to experience herself as part of the whole. This was unusual for Petra at first. The viral infection had unnoticedly shaped her personality over the years and shaped her individual experience to such an extent that it was completely normal and logical for her to identify with it as a person without question.
What’s next for Petra?
Read more here: “The journey to your inner freedom”
And if you want to find out more, make an appointment with me! I look forward to seeing you at www.chancenreich-reitinger.de.
MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A GREAT YEAR 2020!
