A look at the interplay of stress, anger and loss of impulse control.
There are moments in life when everyday stresses build up into a veritable tsunami of anger and irritation. And precisely where we don’t want it to – in our relationships.
It should be a relaxed weekend. Meeting friends, doing things together with your partner. You’ve been looking forward to it all week. But somehow the relaxation doesn’t really want to happen. Quite the opposite. You’re rushing back and forth between sports, shopping, hiking and brunch dates – and sleeping in is out of the question. But after a stressful week, you desperately need some rest.
The time slots are always too tight, even though things should be relaxed. Somehow it all doesn’t work out the way you imagined.
Inner tension increases.
Tenseness instead of looseness and the tone becomes sharper. Everything is now perceived externally as a trigger. You are visibly approaching discharge. You react irritably to small things and are short tempered. If the other person makes even the slightest mistake, your impulse control is over.
The anger tsunami is unleashed. With an intensity that surprises you – and above all: it usually hits the wrong person.
Anyone familiar with this scenario will also know what the aftermath of such an outburst feels like.
Like a hangover after a night of drinking, you feel guilty after the anger and resentment have subsided. The fear of losing your partner or that the other person might break off the relationship replaces the previous anger.
Damage limitation must now be carried out. What follows is elaborate and absolutely toxic behavior with the aim of finding out how much damage has been done.
While some still try to save face by pointedly demanding a “clarification” of the conflict in order to somehow hold the other side jointly liable, others apologize obsequiously, making themselves even smaller than they already feel inside.
Both are desperate attempts to redeem themselves and save what can be saved. In the long run, this creates a very unhealthy dynamic in the relationship, which is very detrimental to their own self-esteem and trust. Jealousy is usually another aspect that those affected have to struggle with.
All in all, it’s one big battle.
The good news is that there is a way out.
The constant pressure we put on ourselves, whether through professional demands, personal expectations or social norms, combined with a lack of self-confidence and the ability to set boundaries, are sometimes the biggest stress factors.
If you have not learned to adequately regulate this stress, your nerves can quickly become frayed and impulsive snap decisions are made while you try to keep everything under control.
In coaching, we analyze these inner patterns and find the so-called start buttons. These are the areas of the body where we first perceive this feeling. With hypno-systemic dissolution and anchoring processes, you learn to deactivate this button so that the tsunami cannot build up at all. Instead, you activate an alternative program in which you can remain able to act constructively.
If this interests you and you would like to find out more, take advantage of the free introductory talk with me now.
