Every era has its topics and it seems to me that terms such as “resilience”, “mindfulness” and “VUCA world” are currently all the rage. Perhaps I’ll write a few more lines on the last two terms soon, but today I’m going to focus on the fashionable topic of RESILIENCE.
In my work as a coach, I naturally always work indirectly with my clients to strengthen the self and become less dependent on external factors. The terms are just different and focus more on the causes and awareness of inner strength than on building up protective mechanisms against stress factors.
Metaphorically speaking, a resilient person is like a foam body that deforms under pressure and then returns to its original shape when the pressure is released.
But why is this more successful for some and less for others?
During my work, I have noticed that the more my clients get involved in working with their inner child, the more they succeed in becoming more relaxed – i.e. more resilient – in the face of stress factors in their lives.
The inner child is a symbol of early childhood injuries, which are often not recognizable at first glance, but usually go in the direction of self-worth, self-love, security and acceptance. Compensation patterns were developed early on for these injuries or feelings of deficit from childhood, which continue to have an effect into adulthood. These can be, for example, “Adapt”, “Work hard”, “Be strong, don’t let anyone notice”. These patterns act as compensators to prevent underlying feelings of deficit from surfacing and thus create a new reality every day. It’s a cycle that always means new injuries, struggle and stress. Stress that is seen on the outside and is also assumed to come from there – and which has to be fought against. However, this was created internally and categorized as stress from our own perception.
If, instead of identifying the stress factors (job, colleagues, partner, children, etc.) on the outside, you pause to make contact with your inner child in order to get in touch with old hurts and needs, you gradually learn that these are old patterns that are constantly and incessantly painted like templates in your external experience.
The same actions and decisions lead to the same results.
What’s more, no one else can heal and care for these individual cracks and scars but ourselves. Only we ourselves can give ourselves what is missing in terms of love, acceptance, security, closeness, etc. With this inner exercise in silence with yourself, your inner child, you get to know your feelings and needs better, you learn to give yourself what you need most urgently and you don’t have to demand this from someone else. Inner strength, security and emotional independence increase and you feel more and more “yourself”.
The feeling of weakness and pain gives way to a feeling of strength and inner lightness.
Understanding which stress factors you have unnecessarily created yourself helps you to let go of what has become obsolete. Your perspective on other issues/people changes, making it possible to deal with them differently. Relationships change, life relaxes in all areas. Protection is no longer necessary because you have become healed and strong inside – in other words, resilient.
The beginning of this lies WITHIN you – not OUTSIDE.
If you would like to find out more about working with your inner child and resilience, give me a call or write to me. I look forward to hearing from you 🙂
