We are what we feel.

Let’s take the following situation:

Sara is sitting at her desk. She is fuming with rage and wants to jump up and run into her colleague’s office to give him a good talking to.

What has happened?

The new colleague actually dares to attack her as the longest-serving employee in the department by openly criticising her work in an email to her. But that’s not all. The email was not only sent to her, but also to the rest of the department, including her boss in CC.

Sara was outraged, angry and on the verge of tears. Her stomach tightened, her pulse and breath raced. Her thoughts circled as she tried to keep her composure.

‘How could he!’ ‘What a cheek!’ ‘He hasn’t got a clue!’ ‘What are the others supposed to think now?’ ‘I’ll show him – he should get to know me!’.

She sat in her chair, paralysed. Adrenalin shot through her body. The more she read the email, the more angry she became. Stress. Sara was no longer able to think clearly. Suddenly tears burst out of her eyes and she felt helpless in the face of the situation. She had worked so hard to get this position, did everything she could to do a good job, to be better than the others. And now? Just when she thought she had made it, someone came out of nowhere, obviously trying to take everything away from her, to make her look bad and show the others that she wasn’t up to it after all.

She suddenly felt transported back to her childhood.

What made her think she could have done it? Hadn’t her father made it clear to her at every opportunity that everyone else was better than her? That she didn’t have the will, enough intelligence or any other outstanding qualities to succeed?

What really happened?

Sara felt attacked by her colleague’s e-mail on several levels. The professional/objective level played a rather subordinate role.

Sara has a strongly negative image of herself and her ability to perform. Due to old belief patterns, characterised by an important reference person (her father) from her childhood. These patterns are so powerful that they do not allow her to look at the current situation with her colleague objectively and react confidently. She is not emotionally stable. She cannot trust herself.

She is entangled in a tangle of old anger at her father, feelings of inadequacy, the desire that no one should notice that she is not perfect and the fear that people might realise that she is basically incompetent and doesn’t really deserve the job.

As long as Sara doesn’t manage to sort out this tangle of emotions, to look at it from a distance and gradually resolve it, every little criticism will throw her off track. At the touch of a button, all the stored negative emotions are instantly present and turn the adult woman into a helpless little girl. Blinded by fear and anger.

Clear thinking, decision-making, action? Not a chance.

This results in further destructive feelings of negative confirmation. Namely, that you have once again failed to master the situation confidently and calmly.

A vicious circle. The emotions have a firm grip on her.

In this situation, Sara would be well advised to find a professional coach with whom she can talk openly about her feelings and fears and get to know the different facets of her emotions. To do this, it is necessary to uncover and look at each thread of the ball of yarn. This realisation enables her to no longer be a victim of her old negative belief patterns, but to replace them with new positive beliefs and to establish alternative courses of action that she can call upon in critical situations in order to gradually react more calmly.

The more Sara manages to consolidate her positive self-image with the help of supportive coaching, the less future blind emotions will take over and the more confident and professional she will appear to the outside world.

The vicious circle is broken and the spiral turns in the other direction, namely towards positive self-affirmation and self-confidence.